I’ve lost track of the number of times senior men and women have told me they felt it was okay to lie about age in their online dating profiles. If I had to give a percentage to seniors who believe...
Why Some Seniors Never Fall In Love
By Ken Solin
I’ve heard lots of single seniors say they’ll never fall in love, and each has stated this matter-of-factly and with a sense of resignation. They date like love zombies who can’t find love no matter how hard they try. Maybe they’re trying too hard, or perhaps it isn’t actually love they can’t find, but rather the heart racing, butterflies in the belly, dizzying stuff of romantic movies instead.
Hard To Define
Defining love is nearly impossible. My partner and I recently tried to come up with a definition of love we could both agree on, but after some discussion we realized we couldn’t. While it’s each individual’s notion of what he or she believes love is that matters, most seniors agree about what love isn’t. We’ve all been in one or more relationships in the past several decades, and nearly all of us have come to the conclusion that love isn’t getting swept off our feet and it isn’t something that happens at first sight either.
Senior daters who believe getting swept of their feet and/or feeling love at first sight is the definition of love, are unlikely to experience it. But what’s behind those two mythical notions, and why does any senior still believe in either of them? And when someone feels they’ve fallen in love at first sight what happens when they eventually get to know their lover on a basis deeper than the physical? They become disillusioned and skeptical about ever falling in love for real. They’re behavior is a self-fulfilling prophecy they refuse to recognize as a roadblock to genuine love.
Love is difficult to define, and some single seniors put it on a pedestal, and make it a lofty, albeit elusive goal. They’re addicted to falling in love on a first date, and if they don’t feel that adrenalin rush their date isn’t the “one”. They have a need to feel lost in love, swept away, right from the start, or they go home and scroll through online dating profiles hoping to find the man or woman who can dazzle them with feelings they erroneously associate with love.
But what they’re looking for doesn’t exist because it isn’t love at first sight, but actually lust at first sight instead. And on that basis, they’re evaluating dates based entirely on chemistry, which - while a major, important ingredient - isn’t the entire package.
What It Is
While love may be hard to define, there are important qualities that most seniors can agree are part of it, none of which involves instant romantic satisfaction. Emotional health should be viewed as a critical factor for falling in authentic love, and it merits thorough dialogue before a senior allows him or herself to give someone their heart. Perhaps the worst combination possible is two starry-eyed seniors who are mutually addicted to the love rush because neither asks the right questions that point to their date’s emotional wellbeing.
What Does Matter
The path a senior has chosen to explore their emotional make-up determines a lot in terms of their partnership potential. To ignore this and allow chemistry alone to determine partnership qualification is shortsighted and a road to heartbreak. Mutual shared interests, religious/spiritual attitudes, political leanings, temperament, relationship histories, food likes and dislikes, physical health, unresolved issues, drama, and many other characteristics are all parts of falling in love that have nothing to do with getting swept of one’s feet.
Run Don’t Walk
If you’re on a first date with a man or woman who tells you they’re feeling like they’re falling in love with you, run - don’t walk - to the nearest exit. They haven’t a clue what they’re looking for, and they’re mistaking love for something they’ve never found because their notion of love is a fantasy not remotely based in reality. Love isn’t instant. It takes a while to simmer and develop intense flavor.
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