I’ve lost track of the number of times senior men and women have told me they felt it was okay to lie about age in their online dating profiles. If I had to give a percentage to seniors who believe...
What Special Qualities Make You A Good Relationship Choice?
By Ken Solin
Considering the considerable number of successes senior daters are having meeting partners online, it seems like too many single seniors are complaining about online dating. And while some of their reasons are valid, i.e. the lopsided senior man/woman ratio in favor of men, the difficulty of navigating online websites, and the worst one, a general lack of manners exhibited by too many daters, the complaints are a waste of time and energy. But while complaining doesn’t accomplish anything, focusing on success can. And I don’t mean a pie-in-the-sky focus like chasing fantasies, but instead, knowing how important it really is to put your best foot forward and keep it there. There’s no autopilot for senior online daters. When you cruise, you lose.
Seniors who are disillusioned with online dating would fare better online if they spend their time thinking about what makes them special, in terms of what qualities they have to offer. Every single senior dater knows online dating can occasionally be trying and discouraging, but like every worthwhile endeavor there’s a price to pay for success. Seniors have learned that life is hard, and over 50 dating is no exception.
So what type of qualities can make a senior dater special and appeal to other singles? Some special qualities include integrity, passion, emotional openness, intelligence, fitness, compassion, kindness, sentimental, and generous spirit. These and a myriad of other important qualities that represent you accurately should be mentioned in an online profile.
Sexuality Is A Special Quality
While there are a host of qualities a senior could mention in their profile that will attract the right kind of attention, sexual quality is definitely one that should be openly shared. But unfortunately, for lots of reasons including fear, it’s not a topic many senior daters feel comfortable sharing in an online profiles. I feel that’s a mistake, because not mentioning sex or sexuality leaves a blank space where there shouldn’t be one, but mentioning it in an inappropriate way can create equally troubling issues.
My date coaching clients, women in particular, worry that writing about sex in their profiles might create the wrong impression about their sexuality. And while it’s an issue both men and women face, it seems more difficult for women. But I think that paradigm is shifting because the number of women who asked me if I was still sexual when I dated surprised me. I quickly discovered that their reason for asking was a simple one. When I asked why they wanted to know their responses were the same, “because many men your age aren’t.” They wanted to know up-front whether or not sex was going to be a relationship issue, which I felt made this a smart question.
I suggest to my women clients that they write in their online profiles they’re still sexual, but only within the context of an emotionally committed relationship. This sends the right message, which is, yes, I still like sex, but no I’m not interested in casual sex. And if sex is no longer of interest to you then it’s only fair to mention this early on to avoid any bad feelings later. Silence about sex might be construed as misleading.
Sex can be a powerful quality in a relationship. It can enhance the emotional, spiritual, and physical connections in meaningful ways. Clarity about sex is essential even on a first date, but only within the context of whether or not it’s still important to you. That a senior still enjoys sex is a special quality that should definitely be mentioned in a profile and/or soon after meeting.
I don’t mean to short-sell the many other special relationship qualities, some of which I mentioned. But if a senior can’t figure out if they have special qualities it’s unlikely they’re going to become involved in a relationship anyway, sexual or not. Focus on what you can bring to a relationship that distinguishes you from the large number of other senior daters. And take time to share those qualities in your profile and/or on a first date over coffee, because no one will take your special qualities for granted if you don’t.
Are you looking for an online dating site especially for seniors? Check out our SeniorPeopleMeet review.