I’ve lost track of the number of times senior men and women have told me they felt it was okay to lie about age in their online dating profiles. If I had to give a percentage to seniors who believe...
Online Dating Is Not Bottom-Feeding
By Ken Solin
It upsets me when I hear a senior man or woman state emphatically that online dating is for bottom feeders. That’s harsh and untruthful and insults the millions of seniors who date online. Typically the person who says this either had a bad experience with online dating or didn’t have any dates. What I know with certainty is that online dating works for millions of single seniors. And while it isn’t necessarily everyone’s cup of tea, there’s nothing about it that suggests bottom feeding. On a personal level, my partner and I met online and neither of us was a bottom feeder.
Twenty to thirty-something year old singles go to bars to hang out with each other, frequently with the goal of hooking up, which is the modern way of saying finding a sex partner. Forty year olds and up are less likely to look for hook-ups, and over fifties rarely if ever do. The options for single seniors to meet other single seniors are few, and none offers the myriad of choices that can be found in online dating sites for over 50s online dating sites.
A Million To One
Some of the seniors who eschew online dating say they’ll just bump into the love of their life in the supermarket or park. The odds of finding the one person you can create a life with who fits all your parameters at either location are a million to one. If that was true, then online dating wouldn’t be so popular. Joining a volunteer organization, taking various types of classes, and belonging to a senior singles groups are worthwhile, but they’re only slightly better than the notion of bumping into the love of your life somewhere.
A Vocal Minority
Sure, there is a small number of lowlife senior singles online looking to scam daters. They usually seek to hook up, or money, and even though they’re a very small number, the noise that emanates from men and women who have experienced this tiny number of disastrous dates is deafening. These undesirables are usually quickly discovered and reported, and their presence doesn’t condemn online dating to bottom feeding.
Since I date coach I go online with my clients on a regular basis to help them choose appropriate dates. I’ve worked with women in small groups for twenty-five years and I’ve developed the ability to zero in on the best picks. I try to follow my clients’ parameters in terms of physicality, but I often suggest men they would have passed. When I ask why, they typically answer, “They’re not my type.” I suggest they look a bit deeper and see if there aren’t some sterling qualities they’ve overlooked.
It’s important to get past this aspect of choosing dates because it indicates the searcher isn’t really reading the profiles, but evaluating potential dates strictly on physical appearance. We all do it and I’m not suggesting that a senior should throw out all of his or her parameters, but I am suggesting that they open their minds to people who don’t necessarily fit their previous typecast limitations.
A Wonderful Accident
Anecdotally, several of my single senior friends, primarily women, are currently dating online. None would describe their experience as fun or a walk in the park, but they all go on coffee dates on a regular basis with men who fit most of their parameters.
I went on forty-eight coffee dates before I met my partner, and I admit that meeting her was a fluke because neither of us resembled each other’s types. It was only after we had both given up the ghost, in terms of what we felt our future partner had to look like, that we met. And when we met something strange happened. We both realized we were very attracted to each other, which helped me understand that I could have met her well before forty-eight dates since we were both on the same website for a year before we met.
Lots of Fish In The Sea
When I look online with my clients I find a sea of rock solid potential men and women to date, and not one deserves bottom feeder status. Don’t listen to jaded, angry men or women who allowed a few bad experiences or no experiences to color their attitude about online dating. Persistence and stamina usually pay off.
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