I’ve lost track of the number of times senior men and women have told me they felt it was okay to lie about age in their online dating profiles. If I had to give a percentage to seniors who believe...
Are Matchmakers Better Than You At Finding Love?
By Ken Solin
Are matchmakers better than you at finding love, is a question I’m frequently asked by my single women friends, as well as potential date coaching clients. In fact, a few of the senior women I’ve worked with tried matchmaking services, but with little or no success. It seems to me that hiring a matchmaker falls into two categories. The first is wealthy seniors who feel they’re just too busy to do the work required to date. The second are seniors who are just too lazy to do the work themselves.
Neither are particularly good justifications for hiring someone to represent you, in terms of making your choices without your input.
There are a myriad of reasons for matchmakers’ failures, but the single biggest reason that immediately comes to mind is that no one could possibly know you as well as you know yourself, no matter how much you explain who you are to them. Is the search for a true partner something that should be in someone else’s hands?
Who Are You?
This actually brings up a critical aspect of senior online dating, which is that seniors all too often don’t know themselves as well as they should or are able to detail in writing. I suggest this is because many haven’t focused on the changes seniors typically experience, all of which become major components of the qualities they have to offer. A senior’s dating success will be seriously limited without the ability to take a current snapshot of these qualities.
To resolve this, a senior dater should consider his or her life over the past ten years and focus on the most profound changes during this decade. Marriages, divorces, deaths, personal growth, moving, continuing education, retirement, a new career, issues with children and grandchildren, health, and a host of other possible changes all contribute to a senior being a different person today than he or she was ten years ago.
A senior should spend a fair amount of time pondering their past in order to be present enough to notice who they are today. When I ask date coaching clients to review their last decade, many are surprised by how much their lives have actually changed, and how transformed they’ve become due to those changes.
Are Your Priorities Set Straight?
No one likes to be alone, and as human beings we find a lot of comfort, support and compassion in our partner. If you understand that then you should ask yourself if
you are that busy that you can’t find a small amount of time required to market yourself successfully in the single senior dating world? Are you willing to give up your power to someone who doesn’t know you, for a fee? Wouldn’t you rather get some help if you feel you need it rather than hope that a total stranger will look out for you as well at least as well as you’d look out for yourself?
Lots of Available Information
If you need assistance, it’s available in many formats. There are a myriad of online dating articles you can read, giving you advice on how to create your dating profile or how to prepare for your first date. There are also talented date coaches who will work with you and help you choose the most appropriate dates to email or respond to. Point is, there are endless ways for you to learn more about online dating and get back in the game, and it should be your responsibility to do the research, as only you truly know where you need the most help.
In the end, it’s unlikely you’d hire someone to represent other critical aspects of your life without great concerns, not the least of which is that you wouldn’t give up that level of control. I suggest senior daters consider that hiring a matchmaker is in fact giving up most or all of your control, beyond giving a thumbs up or down to the choices they make on your behalf. Senior dating is an area of your life over which you absolutely want to retain full control.
If you still have second doubts about online dating or how to even start, I suggest you read this article. Online dating is a great tool to meet interesting new seniors, and more often than not, there is a great match for everyone.