I’ve lost track of the number of times senior men and women have told me they felt it was okay to lie about age in their online dating profiles. If I had to give a percentage to seniors who believe...
5 Reasons Senior Women Shouldn’t Quit Online Dating
By Ken Solin
I dated online on and off for a decade before I met my partner, I’ve been a senior dating expert for The Huffington Post, AARP, Maria Shriver, and About.com, for nearly as long. I also date coach senior women. By now I’ve heard every imaginable reason why senior women should quit online dating, but I’m going to list 5 reasons why they shouldn’t.
1. The Numbers
While this should be reason enough to continuing dating online, a further explanation is in order. I’m referring to the approximately 7 million online daters in the US, who represent 25% of single seniors 50-70, according to AARP. That’s a sufficient number of people online to indicate it is a fertile field. Anecdotally, I met my partner online a few years ago. We’d both been dating online for several years before we met. My point is not to expect instant results. Patience is required, and it’s worth to remember that new members join online dating sites, daily.
2. Bumping Into Sweethearts
I cringe when a senior single woman tells me she’s given up dating online and she’ll just bump into the love of her life in the supermarket. The odds of that happening are about the same as getting struck by lightening. Considering that all of a woman’s parameters for appropriate men have to line up perfectly to find her life partner, the chances that she’ll bump into that fellow in the supermarket are nearly non-existent. While not an exact science, meeting a life partner is rarely about luck.
Don’t leave it to chance, be proactive. Senior dating sites like match.com allow you filter through potential matches according to your preferences. It’s easy to use, quick and provides great results.
3. All The Good Men Are Taken
No, all of the good men are not taken, and the available men online don’t represent the leftovers or losers either. I go online with my date coaching clients to help them choose potential dates to contact or decide whose emails to answer, and I always find a good number of rock solid guys. I’ve worked with men in groups for 25 years and my sense of what constitutes a good prospect is well honed. It’s critical to know what to look for in a man beyond the physical, because absent that information a senior woman is shooting in the dark.
4. Men Just Want Sex
Sure, a large percentage of senior men are still sexual, but that’s the good news. Most understand that casual sex for senior women is unlikely and that sex within the confines of a committed relationship is necessary. A sexually aggressive guy is just one bad apple, but he doesn’t spoil the barrel. While it’s not necessary to have a detailed sexual conversation on a first date, it’s not inappropriate to mention that while you’re still sexual, you want an emotional connection first, and that takes time to develop. Good guys will understand.
5. Life’s Too Short To Spend It Alone
While it’s certainly true that friends and family are important in a senior woman’s life, they can’t replace an emotionally intimate relationship. Widowed women might consider that meeting a man isn’t about replacing a lost love. No one can or should ever try to replace someone special. But that doesn’t mean that a new man who knows how to be a friend, companion, and lover, wouldn’t be a warm, welcome change. Savvy senior men know they can’t replace someone else, and just like you, most of them are looking for a companion to feel excited and passionate about.
I urge senior women who’ve had bad experiences with online dating not to allow those experiences to prevent them from continuing to date online. There are lots of ways to prevent most unpleasant experiences from occurring, and it’s mostly about setting your profile and interests properly.
It’s critical that women date online proactively instead of reactively. None of us like to be alone so don’t wait for your inbox to fill up. Carefully choose men you feel have life partner potential instead, and don’t be shy about contacting them. Your chances of meeting someone special increase exponentially if you’re proactive. Good luck on your search.