10 Things About Relationships I Wish Someone Had Told Me When I Was in My 20's


Orange is the New Black crushes and datingBy Ken Solin

When I first considered this topic, my mind instantly became flooded with dozens of relationship issues I wish I’d known how to handle back when. Narrowing it down to ten made me dig into my failed relationship experiences and take an honest, uncensored look at my behavior. Below are 10 tips I wish someone had shared with me when I was single.

1. Finding a life partner isn’t quite as difficult as finding a needle in a haystack but it takes lots of dates and time to find the “one”. Dating multiple people at a time makes this easier.

2. Do not fall in love with the first man or woman willing to be your partner. While this should be clear, in reality it isn’t because most people are so hungry for a connection that they land on the first available person.

3. Every relationship falls on hard times at some point. However, this doesn’t have to turn into a cut and run moment if both partners are willing to work on it.

4. Sex alone can’t keep a relationship afloat when the honeymoon period is over and the sexual attraction begins to lessen.

5. Opposites attract is a failed, debunked dating philosophy that rarely, if ever, leads to a long-term relationship. Relationships suffer when there are two entirely different personality types. It goes beyond Type A and Type B personalities, but that’s a good place to begin. Date your type.

Couple holding hands while hiking

6. Be emotionally prepared before getting into a relationship. This means doing the required personal growth and work beforehand. This way you’ll have the skills required to share your feelings with your partner.

7. Do not get into a relationship with a man or woman who has no close friends. I learned the hard way that loners have trust issues that they bring into their relationships. Also, being in relationship with a lonely introvert means you will be that person’s entire universe, a thankless and wearing task.

8. Relationships get stale unless both partners are willing to pour energy into them regularly. This includes relationship partners having date nights out, planning trips, and trying new sexual activities.

9. Alone time is critical to keep relationships healthy. Both partners should have interests outside the relationship that while done without a partner can be shared in conversations. Art classes, theater groups, cooking classes, working out, and a myriad of outside activities that constitute a separate life will accomplish this.

10. A great relationship is also a best friendship. The notion that sex ends once a couple becomes friends is simply wrong. The best relationships are always best friendships too. I only learned this lesson in my sixties, but I’m in a four-year relationship now that is absolutely a best friendship. It’s great comfort knowing that my partner is also my best friend, particularly in tough times.

There are many other tips and pieces of advice you can listen to, but the 10 listed above are a good place for every senior man or woman to consider when looking for a relationship partner.

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