Whether you are thinking of trying out online dating for the first time, or returning to the dating scene after a long break, it can seem like a daunting proposition. That’s why, before you start...
Lesbian Dating: What To Do When Your Girlfriend Is Still In The Closet
By Top10BestDatingSites Staff
Has this ever happened to you? You meet someone through an online dating site like Zoosk, who seems to be the perfect girl for you. She is exactly what you are looking for in a partner and everything seems to click. You realize that this could be the start of something very special.
Since the relationship is progressing so well, you decide it’s time to take it to the next level and meet in real life. She doesn’t disappoint and is even better in real life. You begin to think that you might have just met your soul mate.
Except, there’s something she hasn’t told you, until now: she hasn’t come out of the closet yet.
How do you react?
At first, because your feelings are growing for her, you may think it doesn't matter. Right now, all you want is to be with her.
Then it dawns on you that if you are going to continue going out with her this isn't going to be like typical lesbian dating - it’s going to be a lot more complicated. You won’t be able to go out freely wherever you like as a couple and will have to be careful with displays of affection in public. You won’t be able to announce on Facebook that you’re in a relationship. In fact, you’ll probably have to pretend to be single while you clandestinely continue to meet up with each other.
If you’re in a situation like this, here’s some love and dating advice to help you.
Remember, It Isn't You
After the initial surprise, all kinds of thoughts may go through your mind. You may even feel a sense of hurt.
The important thing to remember, though is that the issue is with her, so don’t take it personally. It doesn’t mean that she’s embarrassed or doesn’t care enough for you.
On the contrary, although she’s not yet ready to reveal her true self to other people, she was ready to show you and let you in. Furthermore, the fact that she went to a site like match.com looking for lesbian dating opportunities shows that she has come to terms with her sexual identity.
However, she could be under all kinds of pressures. Whether that is from family, friends, or even work that is keeping her in the closet lesbian community.
The most important thing is to have an honest conversation with your girlfriend, which will help make the situation easier.
Is coming out of the closet something she is considering, but isn’t ready to do so yet?
Find out what is holding her back and try to be understanding of her position. Remember what it was like for you before you came out.
Give the Relationship Serious Thought
Understand from the outset that a relationship between someone who is out with someone in the closet can cause tension. So early on before you get too deeply involved, you need to be honest with yourself and ask yourself some soul searching questions:
- Can you handle this secret relationship?
- Are you willing to wait until your girlfriend is ready to come out? And if so, how long are you prepared to wait?
- You will have to offer her unconditional support. Are you prepared to do that?
- If not, is this the right relationship for you?
Support Your Girlfriend
If you have made the decision that you love her enough and are prepared to wait, helping your girlfriend through this time can be a bonding experience and help to bring you even closer together.
Be patient, give her time and be willing to go on discreet dates until she is ready. Don’t force her out of the closet and never out her. If you do, you risk losing her trust and love forever.
However, you can help her to come out by being a role model for her. It can be helpful if you share your experiences of coming out with her, so that she has an idea of what to expect.
If she’s willing, you can also introduce her to some of your friends who are lesbian couples, which will give her more of an insight into their lifestyles. They may also be able to give her some love and dating advice which might further encourage her to take that step.
In the meantime, try to enjoy the secrecy (at least for a while). It can be thrilling to plan illicit weekends away and stolen kisses.
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