Dating In The Gay Community: How To Date Someone In The Closet


Gay dating and relationships advice

By Top10BestDatingSites Staff

You’re out together on a date, lazily heading nowhere in particular. Without thinking, you reach to hold his hand, but he jerks it away. For a second, you’re hurt before you remember - he isn’t out yet, and the two of you can’t be seen holding hands, or doing anything, in public. Is it worth it? Or will your dating relationship forever be walks in the park with no PDA?

If you’re really into this guy and want to keep dating him, you’ll need to make a few adjustments to your dating game. Check out this guide to help you figure out how to best handle dating someone in the closet.

Get Him to Trust You

If he hasn’t come out of the closet yet, he might have issues with acceptance and rejection. If that’s the case, then he might be afraid of your relationship falling apart. What will make him feel more comfortable coming out in the future is security in something.

If you want the relationship to work out for the two of you, then make the relationship as secure as possible for him. Let him talk about his fears, his family, his problems at work or school -anything. Let him know his importance in your life, and that you enjoy being around him.

It might be hard at first, but it will be worth it in the long run. You’ll be able to see him gain confidence in himself, and you can start suggesting that he can be a little more open.

Let Him Talk It Out

Communication is a large part of trust. If you simply bottle up your feelings, later exploding and potentially ruining your relationship, you’ll always regret that you could have fixed the problem with a little communicating. The next time he jerks his hand away because you forgot and reached out to hold it, go ahead and discuss it. If you are uneasy about having this face to face conversation, utilize the chat features that come with online dating sites like

Here is a good example of how the conversation should go. First, admit your wrongdoing: I’m sorry I tried to hold your hand. Second, promise to do better: I won’t forget again. But discuss how it made you feel: But when you pulled away, it hurt me. And then listen to his explanations, and do your best to understand. The important thing is that it’s not hanging in between you, waiting for a fight so it can dropped like a nuclear warhead.


Appreciate The Slow Development

If your date needs more time to get used to the idea of being in a relationship, especially if this is his first one, appreciate its slow development. After all, dating is romantic but it’s not all romance. Maybe you guys can’t rush off to dinner, but coffee is a universal love. You can also walk around places like museums, go on food trips, or run around bookstores. The good thing is, you’ll be connecting more on the basis of shared and sharing interests. That’s something no relationship can do without, and now you have the time.

The best part is, the more comfortable you both are in the relationship, the more secure he will become in his own sexuality. And as that continues, your relationship will progress forward at a faster rate--but with a good, strong foundation.

If you’re worried about common interests, using an online dating site with complex search algorithms will allow you to find your perfect guy. Zoosk’s trademarked Behavioral Matchmaking programming ensures that you find someone with similar interests. Let these online dating sites do the heavy lifting for you.

Introduce Him Into the Gay Community

If he’s still in the closet, he might not have too much experience talking to other members of the gay community. When that’s the case, it might be a little overwhelming for him if the two of you go to places that are gay hangouts. Also, he might be afraid of being seen and recognized by somebody, when he’s not quite ready for that yet.

If you’re going to commit to dating someone in the closet, this is a necessary step, at least at the start. You don’t need to sit by passively, though, if he says no. Gently, as his trust in you grows, go ahead and introduce him to some members of the gay community, preferably one or two at a time. Go out in a casual setting, have coffee, go for a joint walk in the park. Most importantly, as he gets accustomed to his own sexuality and being around other gays, he will learn to accept himself and find more security in coming out.

Will He Ever Come Out?

It’s hard when gay dating is a secret. Gay dating secrets will really put a strain on any relationship. However, if you invest in it and keep moving it along patiently, you’ll be able to see your date develop into a more secure, confident member of the gay community--and his coming out will be all that much better for both of you.

Ready to find your perfect match that shares a lot of your same interests? Start your journey to finding true love today.

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