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Why You Should Date the Woman You’re Never Going to Marry
By Laurel House
Hot, young, fun, great body, spontaneous, and care free.
Be honest- do you recognize those descriptors as “wants” when it comes to qualities that you are looking to date, someone who could eventually become your wife? Is the purpose of your online dating marriage? Or just a good time?
Just like women, men often have a list of desired qualities. Most of which are superficial, unrealistic, and more fun than for real. That’s not to say that attraction doesn’t matter and chemistry isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. Of course you want to be attracted- chemically, physically, and emotionally- to your spouse. But at the end of the day, reality check: looks fade, she’s going to age, young can also mean immature and not on the same intellectual or experiential page, a great body quickly loses it’s taut shape, spontaneous can feel inconsistent, and carefree can translate into flighty. Not to burst your bubble, but let's get real. What actually matters when it comes to a life partner? This is where your immediately gratifying “wants” and long-term “needs” might feel at odds. But it’s all about perspective.
A lot of online dating sites suggest matches according to both your needs and demands. Find out more in the detailed reviews of the biggest online dating sites.
Start looking for what you need, and you will find that you also get what you want.
If you want to up your online dating marriage success rate, then don’t just date for fun. Date for real. Next time you meet a woman at the grocery store, online, through a matchmaker, or set up by a friend, look beyond the surface level attraction and be aware of some of your real relationship needs. Then ask yourself:
Does this person have the potential of fulfilling these needs?
How do I show up? Do I put out an attitude of just fun? Or do I also show the potential of fulfilling these needs in her too?
Like attracts like. If you put out an energy of fun, spontaneous, in the moment, and casual, guess what you’re going to get? The same thing.
Here are a list of actual relationship needs that you might realize you have:
Shows up- Emotionally and Physically
Integrity & Honesty
Intimacy (physical and emotionally)
With that list in mind, don’t confine yourself to only date your typical arm candy who makes you look good but doesn’t make you feel good (except when you’re out in public and showing her off) and isn’t emotionally fulfilling. Is this woman someone who you can bring out with friends, take home to mom, invite to business dinners, and be a mom to your future children?
It’s time to start looking for substance and finding THAT sexy, exciting, alluring, and addictive.
More than getting out of your box when it comes to the characteristics that you’re looking for, get out of your box when it comes to where you’re going to meet this woman who surprising fulfill both your wants and needs. Here are a few ideas:
1. Not a morning person? Wake up early and go to your local caf?. Different people hang out at the same place at different times. Explore a few different times and see how the energy and patrons change throughout the day.
2. Only like to workout at the gym? Get outside and take advantage of your environment. Hike. Walk the boardwalk. Go to the ice rink. Join a snow shoeing meet-up group. Learn something new. Work different muscles. And have an open heart. Sweating together has been shown to initiate chemistry.
3. Always go to the bar where “everyone knows your name?” Change it up and try a new place every time you go out. Once there, talk to people. Ask questions as if you’re a tourist and you are on vacation- we tend to be more social when on vacation.
4. Take a class in a topic that doesn’t interest you. Yup! Intimidated by technology? Go to the Apple store and take one of their group classes. Enroll in a CPR class. Try a cooking workshop. Don’t be a downer though. Have a positive attitude and be open to learning (and meeting someone).
5. Afraid of heights? Go to a ropes course or zip-lining park. When you’re scared you will be more inclined to reach out to others for comfort.
6. Instead of going out during the weekends with your friends (which is date night- btw), go out mid-week. You could meet someone who is also there with friends or maybe finishing up a business meeting.
7. Go to places where you are in the know. Wine snob? Go to a big wine store and walk around perusing the bottles. If you see a potential partner who looks lost or confused, ask them what they are looking for and give suggestions. Go to the grocery store and ask that attractive person “how are you planning on cooking that?” People love to talk about their knowledge.
8. Throw a party and ask everyone to bring a friend who you don’t know.
9. Don’t like clubs? Go out and dance! Letting go physically can help you to drop your mental guard too. Plus you just mind remember how fun it is to move and feel sexy. Perfect time to meet a mate.
10. At a restaurant get up several times and walk around. Go to the bar, go to the restroom, go outside for a breath of fresh air. Walking around gives the other diners an opportunity to see you, get up and walk over to strike up conversation.
The adrenaline of trying something new can awaken chemistry in you, which radiates out and attracts others in.
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