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Why Did Your Date Stop Texting?
By Erika Ettin
While texting may be your communication style of choice, it can also be the reason for dating ghosting and actually end your relationship before it even gets a chance to begin. Why? One of Six reasons:
Let me explain…
You don’t have a foundation to do regular check-ins yet. Sure, it might feel good at first to have someone to text good morning and night to. But after a while that exciting newness wears off because you honestly don’t care enough about each other to need to know that they slept well or are home safe, work or are getting ready to go to sleep.
If someone is hungry and you give them a few bites of cake, and then a few more, and then a few more… they are no longer hungry. But if someone is craving that cake and they have to wait until Friday to eat it, they will be so excited and once Friday comes along, nothing has ever tasted better! Same goes for dating. You are excited! You can’t wait to finally meet this person who you have been talking with. But then you start texting incessantly and soon your excitement is diffused, maybe even to the point of you feeling like you have gotten your fill and cancelling. Anticipation is one of the sexiest things in a relationship. Don’t dilute it by texting.
Another reason for the suddenly disappearing act is that your texts seem as though you are looking to them for entertainment. In the midst of his crazy day, when you’re decidedly bored, you text to say, “what’s up?" What you don’t realize is that A LOT is up on his end and he doesn’t exactly have the time to explain, nor does want to be your entertainment just because you’re bored or need a distraction.
You look to her for comfort, but she, again, doesn’t care enough about you yet to constantly offer it. “I’m having such a shitty day. How are you?" Ugh! Way to bring down the mood of her honestly amazing day! Or “just wanted to say hi." Um, ok… “hi back." Those random and regular check-ins might let you know that someone is thinking about you and that gives you comfort and warmth, but they can also be an interruption to the person on the other end or just stalkerish.
You meant to be funny, sarcastic, witty, or ironic. But it came across as rude, stupid, awkward, offensive, or just confusing. Until you know each other’s way of thinking and speaking, your texts, which are stripped of your voice and body language, can be very easily mistaken.
Or maybe you are super busy and she messages you a short story about something that just happened in her day and you respond with “cool." You might be offended and he might be annoyed.
Some people just come across as curt, brash, or simply too direct and devoid of superfluous words over next, which makes you feel like you are on the receiving end of a brush off.
It is way too easy to go from fun to flirty to sexual undertones to sexting. And while it may be exciting, it also gives the wrong impression and can accidentally maneuver your budding romance from a path of sweet, substantive, and real, to hot, fireworks, explosion, nothing… fast. You may be a sexual being and, yes, flirting is fun! But there is plenty of time for that after you meet, see that you actually like each other in person, and allow your relationship to naturally progress. If you push it too hard, too fast, you are asking for a burnout. Or you might show up for the date and the guy is expecting sex… because that is what you eluded to. Or at least, that’s how he perceived was the direction of your conversation.
That being said, once the relationship is a bit more established, those “hey handsome… thinking of you," “good morning! Waking up to you in my mind puts a smile on my face," or “sweet dreams sweet heart," are all very welcome, comforting, and appreciated… because you have a foundation and you truly care for each other.
If you don’t have conversations that are substantive, revealing, fun, or flirty, he will quickly grow bored and disappear. A 6-word “How’s your day? Mine is fine" is too pedestrian and unexciting. Why would he look forward to a dull message like that? Would you? Probably not.
So what SHOULD you text?
Share something that you did or are going to do that should peak his interest, then ask him a question. This way you are using texting as a mode to flirtatiously get to know each other a little bit better, instead of just “checking in"- which gets boring. For example: “Good morning! I am running off to meet with a new client that I signed yesterday- an aquarium filled with endangered species. It’s fascinating! How was your evening workout? I can just imagine you sweating and looking so sexy at the gym." or “After a really interesting (albeit 3 hour) meeting with my boss about my new role as director of communications (yay!), I went for a 10 mile run to calm my body and mind. I wish you were here relaxing with a glass of wine with me. How was your meeting today? I am sure you nailed it!" Both texts are engaging in that there is information being shared and deeper insight about the person being revealed- which can lend to lengthier phone or in person conversations later. Plus there was flirtation/enthusiasm that bubbled through the words. Neither text was bland or canned.
Don’t let your next relationship end before it gets a chance to begin. Show interest - absolutely, but there are other much more effective and interesting ways to do it than multiple daily texts that say nothing but can ruin everything.
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