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When Do You Take Your Profile Down?
By Erika Ettin
You’ve been on match.com for two years, and then you did a year of JDate. You’ve dated many people, none of whom really got you excited… until now. Finally, you’ve made that seemingly elusive connection with someone, and it seems to be going really well. Send the parade — it happened!
The Big Question
Now that you’ve met this person and want to see where things go with him or her, when is the appropriate time to take down your online dating profile? After a certain number of dates? After you’ve had “the talk”, perhaps? After you’ve slept together? Maybe it should happen after you’ve changed your status to “in a relationship” on Facebook? Or, is unsubscribing from the match.com and JDate emails enough, even if your profile is still on the site?
In this day and age, when virtually everything we do is online, how we portray our relationship status to the world seems almost as important as the relationship itself. No one wants to be on the receiving end of a text from a friend saying, “I don’t know how to say this, but the guy/girl you’re seeing is still on an online dating site and appears to have logged in last night.” It makes your heart sink.
Don’t forget: Your real love life happens offline
I’m a firm believer in emailing and dating many different people initially to see who’s out there. Both men and women should initiate emails. At some point, though, when you think you’ve found the right person (even if you’re not 100% sure…), it’s probably time to scale back on your online dating life and spend more time enjoying your offline dating life instead. When you get to that point, unfortunately, there is no predetermined protocol as to when it’s the “right” time to take down your profile, but there are two rules of thumb that you should follow:
1. Don’t log into the dating site where you met your date immediately after the date ends. For example, if you have a date on Tuesday evening, try your best not to log back into the site again until Wednesday. Even if you have no interest in seeing your date again, try to show some respect and not rub salt into a wound, or log into your account right after the date. If you do, it says to your date, “You weren’t good enough, so I’m checking out my other options.” Same with the dating apps.
2. When things start to get serious with someone (even before you’ve discussed your relationship status), it’s a good idea to minimize your online dating usage to give the relationship a chance to blossom.
What you shouldn’t do
Many people continue responding to emails during that initial period in a relationship, perhaps saying something like this:
Thanks so much for your thoughtful email. I actually recently “met” someone on this site, and I am going to try and concentrate on this new person and see if that can develop into a real relationship. I can’t really handle the multiple communications. Thanks again for writing, and good luck to you!
Have you ever gotten this email? I don’t get it! If you really want to see where the relationship is going, then stop logging in to your online dating account already! Seems like a no brainer, right?
The solution: Be open with each other
And finally, when you’re ready to be exclusive with someone, the only surefire way to make sure you’re both on the same page is to openly discuss both your relationship status. You could even have a “profile deletion party” with a glass of wine in hand. That actually sounds like a pretty fun date!
And once you’ve decided to give the relationship a real go, check out these mature date ideas in the Big Apple!