Creepy Online Dating Messages
By Laurel House
What do you do when someone creepy messages you online dating? If it seems innocent but immature, Delete. If it’s scary, block and report!
What shouldn’t you do? Respond. It just fuels their fire. You may be angry, embarrassed, afraid, or hurt, but the last thing you want to do is give them the satisfaction of getting a response from you. If you do, they very well will keep it up, escalating the creepiness to a point of freaky and possibly even dangerous. Online dating is filled with lots of people who are truly looking for a relationship. But it is also littered with creeps, freaks, psychos, pranksters, and catfish. Don’t get caught up in their game.
As a dating coach, I have had clients come to me with some truly horrifying stories of online dating “relationships" and interactions. For some it’s simply innocuous messages that are so dumb they are almost laughable. Others are scary. And still others are heart and bank breaking - yes, bank breaking. I have had clients catfished to the tune of giving away their hearts plus $30,000.00 to a total stranger who they never met and turned out to be a con. And these aren’t stupid people who got caught in the net. They were simply looking for love, fell prey to a con artist, believed the lies, and ended up heartbroken and broke.
How would someone give $30,000 to a total stranger without ever having met them? I have seen the scenario go a couple of different ways:
- After months of communicating by phone, text, and email, but bad timing making it impossible to meet up, they finally set their date! The anticipation is high and stakes are even higher, as “I love you" has already been said, and even phone sex has been had. As she waits at the restaurant she receives a text that he has been in a serious car accident and his car insurance has just lapsed and only has cash on him because he somehow forgot his wallet at him. He needs help - financially. She is of course flooded with compassion and wants to do whatever she can for this man who has already proclaimed his love to her and even discussed marriage and where they plan to buy their home! So she heads to the nearest wire exchange and empties her bank account. He promises to reimburse her as soon as he is out of the hospital. And then he disappears…
- He leaves for a last minute business trip to another country. She plans to pick him up from the airport- which will be their first in-person meeting. The makings of a true fairytale. While there, he is mugged. All of his money, his passport, and his identification are gone. But he still has his cellphone and he calls her for help. She wires the money. He never makes it back to the states and his number is soon out of service.
- He wants her to fly out to meet him in another country. He is extremely wealthy and they talk about the possibility of her even moving there. He asks her to communicate with a realtor in her city as well so that he can buy a home for them where she is from, too. He wants to fly her out first class to his home, but for some reason he is having a hard time buying the tickets. He suggests she pays the $10,000.00 that he, of course, will wire to her before she has left the US. There is confusion with the banks and excuse after excuse, but she has already paid for the tickets so, in good faith, she flies out to meet him. They have a lovely time together, but something seems off. She never goes to his various homes because he would rather tour her around the countryside, staying in funky little hotels with local character. She catches him in odd little lies and finally asks what’s going on. He tries to kill her. She is able to get to the airport, change her flight, and fly first class home - on tickets she bought herself. He knows all of her secrets and she can’t prove anything, so she doesn’t press charges.
- She was gorgeous, sexy, successful… perfect, and she messaged him. She said all the right things, showered him with compliments and somehow embodied all that he ever wanted in a woman. They talked on the phone, texted, and emailed all the time. She emailed him YouTube videos of sappy love songs. They discussed their lives together as one. They shared their deepest darkest and seemed to just “get each other." But whenever they made plans, she had to cancel last minute due to seemingly legitimate situations at work, with friends, family, even a car accident. There was always a reason why they couldn’t take their relationship to the next level. But their hearts were wide open regardless. Until she was gone. Vanished. No excuse, no reason, no money exchange, no fight, no nothing… gone.
- He reached out to her in an overtly sexual way. She was horny and bought in. They proceeded to message each other for a few days, mostly of a sexual nature. Then set up a time and place to meet for dinner. She showed up flooded with anticipation to meet this guy who she seemed to have so much “chemistry" with. He was waiting outside with restaurant with no intention of going in. Instead, he suggested they skip the meal and head to his place a few blocks away to devour each other instead. She knew she shouldn’t and she thankfully listened to her gut. After jokingly saying no, she finally put her foot down and said she was going home. He called her a tease and a few other choice names, then set her a text saying to never contact him again, “you’re too ugly for me anyway." And that was it.
Those are clearly very dramatic and extreme cases. However, here are a few creepy message examples to be aware and weary of. If you receive one of them, as I already said, don’t respond, and report if you feel scared or threatened. Whatever you do, DO NOT ENGAGE with them. The idea is that if you win the first fight, by not allowing the conversation to even begin, you can completely avoid the above scenarios.
“You’re the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I have this strange feeling that we are meant to be."
“I recognize your gym in that photo of you working out. I go there too. I will plan on seeing you there tomorrow!"
“Hi, I’m looking for someone for my husband to play with. It turns me on to watch. Want to come over?"
“I researched you. Your sister is cute, too. Let's have a threesome."
“We were in the same graduating class in high school (when you know you went to a high school with only 42 people in your graduating class). Let's grab a drink and catch up!"
“I saw you at the grocery store last night and followed you home."
“I’m looking for a one-night stand. I’ll please you beyond your imagination."
“Want to get married? I believe in arranged marriages. Let's arrange it."
“You’re hot, I’m rich, let's call a spade and get it over with. How about meeting tonight for a quickie?"
“My dad said I should get more experiences. So I figured I’d reach out to you and see if you want to come over and give me head. I tried craigslist, but I don’t want to have to pay for it because then it’s prostitution."
“You know that selfie you took in your backyard? I was able to trace it to your house. I guess you don’t know about turning off the location services setting on your photo app?"
The moral of the story? There are creepy people everywhere - both on and offline. But because online give you the power to put on a mask and be whoever you choose to be, be careful and prequalify your potential dates before you meet them. And if you have a gut reaction to a message. Listen to it! Don’t be afraid that deleting or reporting is too harsh, mean, or rude. It’s not. They are in the wrong, not you. Take responsibility and protect yourself. Read my other articles on prequalifying to learn more.
In addition to you being careful and watching out for scams, the online dating sites themselves take various measures in order to protect their users. Find out more about the different steps they take.
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