6 Ways to Avoid The Friend Zone


avoid the friend zone

by Laurel House

You try to play it cool on the first few dates with that guy/girl you met on Zoosk because you don’t want to be deemed “needy," “high maintenance," “aggressive," or “desperate." You make a point at highlighting your common interests. You both like football, you both like the art fair on Sundays, you are both foodies… so you stay on that common ground of topics because they are safe and surface and fun and easy to talk about. At the end of the date, you go “dutch", hug, say goodbye, and you feel like you had a pretty great date. And it was a great time… for friends. Where is the romance? What happened to the woo’ing?

Beware: you very well could be on the brink of falling into the friend zone!

It's all about setting the precedent from the onset. Here are the mistakes made in the above example, each of which could land you in the friend zone.

1. You went “Dutch."

Do you want a friend, a colleague, a business partner…. or do you want a relationship partner? He is paying for dinner. Paying = providing (masculine). Cooking/gifting = nurturing (feminine). We will go more into this (plus alternative ways that the woman can “pay") in another column.

2. You talk about fun and surface topics.

If you eventually want the clothes to come off, you’ve got to dig beyond the exterior by being real and getting raw. That’s how you stand out and create a heart connection.

3. You forgot to flirt!

It’s about the little things - the side glance, the “secret smile," the little touches, the flirtatious and slightly (but not overtly) sexy comments.

4. You act like a buddy.

Hanging out at sports bars, not putting effort into how you look, going dutch… these are all symptoms of friendships. It’s ok to share the same interests. Women - It’s ok if you are a huge sports fan. But remember that you are looking for a boyfriend, not a buddy. You can still be sexy and cheer on your favorite team.

Don’t act like a buddy

5. You think you’re being sarcastic, but you’re actually being a bitch/jerk.

I know… you want to be witty and always have a comeback, and I agree! That banter can be extremely sexy and can be a great technique when it comes to flirting. But there is a difference between sarcastic and bitchy/jerky, and it’s too often confused. Take the edge off. Imagine that they said to you what you said to them. How does it sound?

6. You’re easy going.

Too easy going. You don’t require dates. You just kind of “hang out." You’re missing the chase and moving right into what you consider to be “relationship mode." But you’re wrong. You’ve been friend-zoned.

Honestly, a lot of it is about gender roles. Be feminine. Be masculine. Be in your gender power!

Ladies, it's awesome to have a "cool chick" that enjoys the same things men do, but they want to feel like they're with a date, not a buddy. Guys, be decisive, be confident and most of all, treat her like a lady because that's going to keep you away from the frustration of "The Friend Zone."

The more feminine you are, the more masculine he feels. The more masculine you are, the more feminine she feels. Stop being androgynous. I know - it’s a modern world. But you have more power in your gender role than you ever allowed yourself to embrace.

Are you still looking for the One? Check out our reviews and sign up for one of these great online dating sites today!

Advertising Disclosure

This site is a free online resource that strives to offer helpful content and comparison features to its visitors. Please be advised that the operator of this site accepts advertising compensation from companies that appear on the site, and such compensation impacts the location and order in which the companies (and/or their products) are presented, and in some cases may also impact the rating that is assigned to them. To the extent that ratings appear on this site, such rating is determined by our subjective opinion and based on a methodology that aggregates our analysis of brand market share and reputation, each brand's conversion rates, compensation paid to us and general consumer interest. Company listings on this page DO NOT imply endorsement. We do not feature all providers on the market. Except as expressly set forth in our Terms of Use, all representations and warranties regarding the information presented on this page are disclaimed. The information, including pricing, which appears on this site is subject to change at any time.

The Best Dating Sites

Must Read


The Ultimate Guide to Boosting Your Zoosk Dating Profile

Read more
eharmony free trial plans to find love

Find a Serious Relationship on eharmony, for Free

Read more
Meet Jewish singles online

The Best Dating Sites and Apps for Jewish Singles

Read more
Muslim couple at park

The Best Dating Sites and Apps for Muslim Singles

Read more
How much does Match cost?

How Much Does Match Cost?

Read more
professionals meet on the best dating sites

The Best Dating Sites for Professionals

Read more