How to Write a Great Online Dating Profile
By Laurel House
The reason why most online dating profiles go unread is because they are boring, canned, or cliché. But worst of all, they are ignored and only filled out in a bare-bones manner, indicative of your attitude towards dating: not putting time or effort into it.
Your profile is your best opportunity to make a first impression, to stick out, to show who you are. You don’t want to miss out on someone who potentially could be your ideal partner just because you put together a lackluster description of yourself.
The goal of your online dating profile is to have your personality bubble off the page. The problem is that most people aren’t writers and are unable or unsecure of portraying themselves accurately with the written word. Which is why they hire me to write their profile for them. But you CAN write it yourself if you follow the below:
Lets start with your name.
Since this is generally the first thing that a potential suitor sees, it should SAY SOMETHING. Your profile name should say something about who you are and what you stand for. It shouldn’t be “lovergirl154"- it’s cheesy and slutty, or “12345"- how boring and unmemorable, or “thisislame"- because you know what? THAT is lame, or “cantthinkofaname"- that’s because you aren’t putting any effort into it, or “pickme"- desperate, or “LaurelHouse"- you don’t want to reveal who you are… never never never use your real name! Not even “LaurelH" or “LaurelInSantaMonica."
Your name doesn’t have to be deep. But it should have some type of meaning, because chances are you will be asked about it.
Not sure what says something about you without revealing who are? Who are you? If you define yourself by your career and your location- use those. For example:
A writer who is proud of her LA roots- “WriterGirlInLA"
A chef who is originally from Paris- “FrenchyFoodie"
If you love both fitness and high fashion, maybe “SneaksToStilettos"
If you have both dogs and cats and take the “must love dogs and cats" approach, try “purrwoof"
Here’s the key: make sure you like your name and that it truly stands for something that isn’t just a fleeting fancy.
Your TAGLINE- not all sites have this, but some do.
Think about your tagline as the subtitle to a book. It further explains who you are in an interesting and compelling way that makes them want to read on. Similar to your Name, put some effort into your tagline. Since you are allowed spaces in between the words, you can actually say something of a bit more substance. Quotes are great here. A tagline that stimulates conversation, that makes someone think, or that asks a thought provoking question is ideal as it can be used as an opener in initial outreach, and also shows that the person actually read your profile.
A few taglines that have been great:
Interesting and Interested
Why? It says a lot without saying much. It also will elicit great responses from suitors as they try to explain why they are interested in you and what makes them interesting.
Lets get off, and stay off, online dating-
Why? It show that you are serious about finding your other half. This isn't just a place for you to play and date around.
Why? It's simple, but says so much. A big fear around online dating is that the person you are communicating with is either fake- as in not who they say they are, or fake- as in superficial and lacking substance.
Wickedly Smart is so Sexy
Why? It shows that you’re less turned on by looks and more by substance and brains.
You had me at the proper use of “you’re"
Why? Again, you're looking for someone who is smart and educated, AND you are smart, educated, and aware of grammar… so take time to design a well-written and grammatically correct profile.
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Why? It's cute and witty and fun and playful. Plus it gets your attention.
Happy, Sweet, and always an Adventure
Why? It shows multiple sides of your personality. It also highlights 3 important factors for many men: you will make them feel good, you are the kind of girl a guy wants to bring home to mom, and you are the kind of girl who is fun to hang around with.
Yoga, Cupcakes, Relaxing & Going Going… It's a Balance
Why? It shows that you are multifaceted, have a spiritual side, you care about your body, you can let go and enjoy life, and you go with the flow.
Happy as me, Happier as we.
Why? It says that you are comfortable and confident in your own skin and don't need a man to complete you. You are coming to this relationship as a fully formed person. But you having a partner would add to your life and that's what you are looking for. It's similar to the 1+1=3 mentality that you are great alone but even better as a partner.
Digging into your “About Me"
Your first line of your “about me" section is essential. It sets your online dating profile purpose and your current life focus. If it’s all about partying, work, or saturated in sarcasm… that says something. Don’t say that.
You want to reveal something about yourself that comes from your core values, your essence, who you really are. If you have something fun or funny about yourself, share that. The last thing you want to write is a bland, canned, throwaway profile that says nothing. The purpose is to start pulling back your onion, exposing a side of you that makes the reader feel like he has seen something that might not come across in your photos, or maybe something that makes him feel like he “gets" you, and definitely something that makes him intrigued by you. By opening up just a little, you are showing him that you are a real person who is layered and interesting and someone who he really wants to get to know better. You are also starting to create that essential environment of trust that makes him feel safer to start revealing himself to you too.
You don’t want your summary to be dull, too long, or too short. You want space and breath between thoughts in order to make it easier to peruse without it appearing too dense like a novel- those are the profiles that are often ignored. You want the reader to get a sense of your energy from reading it. You want to paint a picture of what your life looks like- what your BEST life looks like. Because you’re basically saying: this is me… do you want to join me on this journey? You don’t want your profile to be all about him: in other words saying “this is what I am looking for, this is what I need you to have, this is what I expect from you…" You also don’t want it to be selling yourself too much- this is what I will do for you, this is how I will make you happy, this is what you can expect from me. Here’s an example.
I am effervescent and spontaneous, but also introspective and calm.
I love to drive fast, walk in the rain, try things that scare me, taste foods I have never heard of.
I love to laugh - I mean a real laugh, the kind that you can't stop. And if you try to force it, it keeps bubbling up to the surface.
I love to cook. Cooking for myself is fine, and I do it daily. But I prefer to cook for and with someone. It’s the whole process - the talking and sipping wine, testing new flavors. It's the energy of it.
I love to learn. Not necessarily in the conventional sense (at school), but in life and through experience. When I talk to someone who has a story, a point of view, a passion, a light in their eyes about something, I am really listening. I want to understand and even feel your thrill. I won't be looking over your shoulder for something "better" or "different."
I love to experience. I consider myself to be a bit of a collector of information, experiences, and knowledge. I love to see, do, feel, taste, listen, travel.
I love beautiful, interesting, high quality things - which often are also the "finer" things. I do love to dress in gorgeous clothing, carry a bag that makes me smile every time I look at it, and walk around in uncomfortable but stunning shoes.
I love to learn, expand my mind, ask questions, and get out of my comfort zone. From taking Anthony Robbins courses where I walked on fire, to Law of Attraction conferences where I was ejected from the raft while white water rafting… if there is an opportunity to learn, particularly through experiences, sign me up!
I love to be cared for. And I love to care for another. I am a natural nurturer.
I love to work hard - and sometimes a lot. I am passionate about and excited by my business - or else what's the point of doing it?
I love to sit at home on the sofa, my pup on the floor near my feet, watching a movie, drinking a glass of wine or interesting cocktail and snuggling up.
I also let my mind run wild while reading Travel and Leisure Magazine as I imagine myself exploring Belize, strolling in Paris, or wearing dirty cutoff jean shorts and chasing the dogs who are sniffing out the white truffles in Alba.
You’re part of the fantasy too… Looking Edward Norton-sexy, you’re wearing a pair of blue jeans, a white t shirt, baseball cap, and flip flops. We explore this world together, but always remembering to take some time to sit with a glass of wine or dirty martini at the end of the evening and just talk and listen and be…. You’re creative, introspective, and enthusiastic about life.
And… you’re a tad quirky. Just like me.
Now tell me, could you paint a picture of what the person above is like? You could see that she is passionate, interesting, appreciates the simple things, but also really enjoys the finer things in life. She also made sure to include her ideal mate at the end. There isn’t any negativity like “if you’re XYZ, don’t bother reaching out," or “I’m not looking for someone who is XYZ." Negativity in your profile says something about your personality - that you’re jaded, protective, hold a grudge, think you’re too good, or have a chip on your shoulder. That doesn’t mean that you have to be happy happy joy joy. Just be careful about how your profile reads and what it says about the type of person you are.
You are creating an image of your life and allowing the reader to imagine experiencing it with you. People say that pictures are worth a thousand words. But words that create pictures is what truly intrigues. Be intriguing. Make them want more. Make them want you.
After chatting for a while and speaking on the phone, you agreed to a first date? Make sure to read these tips to break the ice on the first date.
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