5 Critical Mistakes For Senior Daters To Avoid

What Senior Online Daters Should Avoid

By Ken Solin

It takes courage for a single senior to sign up for a dating website, especially since they’ve probably had to listen to negative online dating stories from disgruntled senior online daters. But there’s a strong possibility these folks made some or all of the 5 common online dating mistakes, and that their dissatisfaction with online dating is likely related to their errors. While senior online dating isn’t rocket science, it isn’t just luck either.

Avoid these 5 common dating mistakes and you’ll increase your chances for success.

 

 

1. Don’t Date Without A List

Lots of single seniors stumble through online dating instead of dating smart. A myriad of life experiences have contributed to a senior’s best qualities, and seniors should make a short list of those special qualities before dating online. Your list is a personal inventory of the core values and beliefs that influence how you live your daily life. Integrity, emotional intelligence, kindness, and compassion, are a few examples of qualities that might make your list, but there are many others.

The purpose of your list is to find the most suitable online dating site and to identify appropriate date choices. Since your core values and beliefs are non-negotiable, a potential date’s values and beliefs must match yours. Ignoring the match is a rookie, dating mistake. Physical appearance, wealth, social status, and other surface qualities are not substitutes for the meaningful, inner qualities on your list.

Don’t fantasize

2. Don’t Typecast

Typecasting is a mistake most senior online daters make, and bad habits are hard to break. Typecasting must fit the definition of insanity since it’s dating the same type over and over expecting different results. Think outside your type box. Expand your parameters. There are so many potentially good dates you’ve ignored simply because they didn’t fit your type fantasy.

I made this mistake for years before I realized I was sabotaging my efforts by marginalizing every woman who didn’t fit my type. To my surprise it took a week before I met my partner after I stopped typecasting my date picks. She neither looked nor behaved anything like my old type, but was perfect in every way. I didn’t fit her type either, and we’d effectively ignored each other on the same senior dating site for a year. If you’re willing to see people as individuals rather than types you might just meet your next sweetheart, who was probably hiding in plain sight.

3. Don’t Date With A Broken Heart

Don’t confuse dating with a broken heart with getting right back on the horse that threw you. The former is about emotional pain, which requires time and effort to heal, and the latter is about instantly overcoming a specific physical fear.

No single senior can date successfully with a broken heart, and savvy daters will easily recognize your emotional state. But worse, you’ll have eliminated any possibility of meeting someone special because you weren’t emotionally ready to date.

A date’s emotional health should be on every senior dater’s radar screen because it isn’t just a desired quality it’s a required one. Asking a date how long it’s been since their last relationship is a fair question. Less than several months should put them on your no date list no matter how much they insist they’re all right.

4. Don’t Leave Town

Unless you live in a sparsely populated area, choose dates close to your zip code. Refrain from accepting invitations from seniors living far away. Commuting distances to date is foolish unless you’ve run out of single seniors close to home. I received emails from women in other states when I dated and couldn’t imagine what they were thinking. Smart dating includes making it easy, and long distance dating is neither smart nor easy.

5. Don’t Get Swept Off Your Feet

Love at first sight is a senior, newbie dating fantasy guarantied to fail whether you’re the one doing the sweeping or being swept. Seniors are too experienced to still believe in love at first sight, which only happens in the movies because the director has a scant 120 just minutes for a couple to fall in love, make love, and get married. Authentic love builds over time and a smart path is to fall in like first. When a senior dater falls in love based on physical attraction that’s actually lust at first sight, and suggests desperation.

Dinner at a romantic restaurant is not a smart first date choice because it doesn’t serve either person’s purposes. If you really want to get to know someone on a first date, which is the purpose of a first date anyway, chat with them over coffee for an hour. You’re far more likely to ask the tough questions if you’re not floating in a romantic bubble, and a second date will be easier to determine after you asked the important questions.

Sex on a first or second date isn’t a realistic path to fall in love. In fact it will have the exact opposite effect. Sex too soon brings the getting to know you aspect of a relationship to a screeching halt because sex becomes the relationship’s focus rather than discovering each other on a deeper level first. And the relationship typically ends a few months later when a couple begins to see each other more clearly. Seniors have been on enough rocket rides, and should avoid this novice, dating mistake.

You’ll increase your chances of meeting the partner you deserve by avoiding these 5 common senior dating mistakes. Check out these articles for more tips and information.

About Ken Solin

Author and columnist Ken Solin is a boomer Dating Expert for The Huffington Post, AARP, and About.com. Solin also writes about boomer sex and relationships. Ken’s new book, The Boomer Guide To Finding True Love Online offers real-life boomer dating solutions based on Ken’s online dating experiences. Learn more about Ken and his dating philosophy.

 

 

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