I’ve lost track of the number of times senior men and women have told me they felt it was okay to lie about age in their online dating profiles. If I had to give a percentage to seniors who believe...
Why Women Over 60 are Actually Searching for Mr. Normal, Not Mr. Right
By Ken Solin
As you get older and wiser, you understand more clearly what it is you need, what's really important in a partner. It doesn't have to be about looks, money or status - it's about being with someone you can talk to, have dinner with, laugh.
For women over a certain age, it’s about finding Mr. Normal, not Mr. Right.
What Women Over 50 Want
In general, younger women daters seem to be searching for more physical qualities in their other half. Notice the descriptive words they use in their profiles and demands: Handsome, tall, wealthy, in shape, muscular, hair, and a host of adjectives meant to narrow the field are glibly listed. These shallow qualities become less important to senior daters who look deeper than the surface.
It isn’t that what was important when we were younger no longer matters now, but rather that the emphases are different. Feeling that emotional connection is no less important than the physical intimacy. And while few seniors are willing to compromise their core values and beliefs, many will entertain differences that don’t threaten the manner in which they live.
Women Know What’s Important
My date coaching clients are women over 50 who often begin dating with a longish list of qualities men must have. Together we have that list down, and there’s rarely any disagreement about this because women are practical about what’s critical and what’s not.
The qualities that remain on women’s lists make sense to me. A potential partner’s physical health is a major issue for most women. Few want to become nurses in a new relationship. A healthy lifestyle also plays a vital role in terms of activity levels. A physically active woman isn’t going to feel positive about a man who can’t keep up. This eliminates a number of men, but that’s the point.
Normal Heartbeat, not Right Physique
The notion of normal takes on different aspects for senior dating women, and while physical health is key, there’s another aspect of normal that few women over 50 are willing to ignore, emotional health. I’ve yet to meet a woman who didn’t have strong feelings about a man’s ability to hold up his end of emotional dialogue. Lacking this ability is a deal-killer, especially for a woman who was in long-term relationship with a man who was incapable of expressing his feelings and who doesn’t want to repeat that lack of communication.
Personal Growth Goes a Long Way
It’s common for a senior woman to have emotionally-based friendships with other women that go back decades, and they’ve grown accustomed to emotional dialogue as a major aspect of their relationships. Savvy, senior women, daters are unwilling to become involved with a man who’s either shut down emotionally or simply doesn’t have the skills. Senior women are well aware that problem resolution skills aren’t innate, and that personal growth work is the path to garnering those skills. They also know that conflicts remain unresolved unless both partners are capable of expressing their feelings.
But where’s the romance you ask? I mean after weeding out all the men lacking in emotional skills and/or in poor physical health, who’s left? I suggest to my clients that the men left standing are prime candidates, and that it isn’t necessary to have a large number of men to choose from to find love and romance.
Half-dozen men who are physically and emotionally healthy will likely yield at least a few dates that fit most women’s needs.
Normal is most often a good fit. I urge senior women to limit their requirement lists to critical ones they absolutely can’t live without. Oh yeah, don’t forget to add a sense of humor to your list to find out what makes your date laugh. A couple that can laugh together can more easily overcome adversity.
Looking to find your Mr. Normal? Check out our top senior dating sites right here.
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