Turn Up The Thermostat for a Second Date

Securing a second date

By Ken Solin

If you’re a senior who struggles to determine whether a first date deserves a second your parameters probably need some tweaking. Senior online dating isn’t a science but it’s not a total mystery either.

What’s Your Criteria?

I respect people’s privacy but when I hear seniors talking about the men or women they’re dating, I eavesdrop since I write about boomer dating. A frequent complaint is a man or woman keeping a laundry list of everything wrong with their new senior love interest. My advice to disgruntled senior daters is drop the laundry list and the person associated with it and move on. Thankfully, dating sites today stand at the forefront of technology and help to streamline the matching process for daters. Zoosk’s Scientific Matchmaking Service .

studies daters’ search and click preferences over time to offer match suggestions that really work.

But boomers can benefit substantially by dating smart. Second dates with someone you met online should depend almost entirely on the relationship potential they demonstrated on the first.

It’s Not A Roll Of The Dice

Time is too valuable to waste in a relationship with someone who doesn’t embody all your partner requirements. Sure, compromise is necessary in every senior relationship. But the questions below address basic interpersonal skills and will narrow the field considerably, which is the goal. The notion of kissing a lot of frogs to find true love is flawed. Finding love isn’t a numbers game and it isn’t about luck either. Dating sites

Newbie Boomer Daters

If you’re new to boomer dating and recently out of a long-term relationship, you’re probably date rusty. Your fantasies about falling in love after a long dry spell play in your imagination, but they’re not connected to any reality. The answers to the following questions need to be close to perfect, and 3 out of 5 isn’t good enough. A perfect score is required or you’ll be repeating the process. Think long-term, maintain high self-esteem, and then make informed choices. Remember, you’re not here to please everyone. It’s crucial to cross the online daters that just don’t jive with your lifestyle off the list.

1. Is Anyone Home?

This first question may feel difficult to ask, but it’s too important to skip since the answer points directly to interpersonal relationship skills. To make it easier talk about your own experiences in this arena, first, and then ask your date about theirs.

Has your date done any personal growth work, individual or group therapy, attended any workshops or lectures about personal growth or relationships, read any books, magazine, or newspaper articles about relationships, or participated in any activities related to self-improvement? This may seem like a lot to ask, but every relationship stumbles occasionally so having the capacity to work through troublesome issues together is critical. And these skills aren’t second nature, they’re learned, and a boomer who’s done some inner work likely has problem resolution skills.

2. Friends Are Relevant

Does your senior date have same sex friends? This is about your date’s ability or willingness to trust, and a negative response means your relationship will likely experience trust issues that will be difficult or impossible to resolve. And dating a boomer who’s a loner means you’ll become that person’s entire universe, a heavy burden. Friendships require relationship skills, and having friends requires a willingness to trust and be trustworthy.

3. Egocentric

Did your date show a keen interest in you? Did they ask a good number of questions about your life? This is a big complaint from boomer daters, and a date that failed to ask about your life suggests someone self-involved or egocentric, and clearly not a good candidate. A potential relationship partner won’t forget to ask about your life, and someone who did forget most likely lacks relationship potential.

4. No Free Lunch

Does your date work or have some means of support? Unless you’ve decided to pay for everything you might want to consider that few new boomer relationships last when one partner fully supports the relationship financially. There’s nearly always a quid pro quo attached to that level of support whether verbalized or not. This doesn’t apply to marriages of course, in which one person takes care of the family’s business at home. But there’s no free lunch in dating no matter how free it may appear.

5. Turn Up The Thermostat

I don’t advocate sex too early in a boomer relationship because it typically brings the getting to know you phase of a relationship to a screeching halt. It also contributes to rocket ride relationships, and seniors have had enough of those already. Having said that, physical chemistry is critical and usually obvious from the start. Don’t sell sexual passion short because it plays a vital role in successful senior relationships.

Honest Skepticism

Don’t be skeptical about asking these questions. My experience and the experiences of tens of thousands of readers suggest they’re valuable partner indicators. The right candidate won’t balk at answering them and you won’t have to waste time dating someone that doesn’t have real potential. Honesty is refreshing. A potential partner will consider your questions smart dating and they’ll appreciate why you asked them. But be prepared to answer these questions if your date turns them around on you. It’s only fair.

Ban Frog Kissing

There’s no magic pill that guaranties whether or not having a second date is appropriate, but your date’s answers to these questions will tell you a great deal about their interpersonal skills. Kissing frogs isn’t smart dating. There’s a lot to learn about someone you’re interested in, and the sooner you glean this information the better. One thing seniors don’t have in unlimited quantity is time.

Ready to start dating? Let’s go. Check out the features of the top 5 senior dating sites now and sign up immediately.

About Ken Solin

Author and columnist Ken Solin is a boomer Dating Expert for The Huffington Post, AARP, and About.com. Solin also writes about boomer sex and relationships. Ken’s new book, The Boomer Guide To Finding True Love Online offers real-life boomer dating solutions based on Ken’s online dating experiences. Learn more about Ken and his dating philosophy.

 

 

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