4 signs you’re ready for a physical relationship

Relationship readyBy Kim Baker

I am standing in front of the mirror one Friday evening, holding two lipsticks in my hand, cradling my phone in between my shoulder and my ear as I try on one color. “You have your granny panties on, right?” my dear friend asks, referring to our agreement that we would put safety measures in place to ensure we don’t sleep with a woman too soon on a date. I press my lips together and tell her, “Check. And a granny bra for added security.” We laugh. After we hang up, I catch my reflection in the mirror and decide to go for the brighter lipstick color. After all, there will be no kissing on a first date. How do we know when it’s the right time to begin a physical relationship in dating? According to a recent study on being LGBTQ in America conducted by match.com, 57% of LGBTQ singles expect a kiss on the first date. While 25% expect to make out and 2% of lesbians expect to have sex on the first date, there are some good reasons to move slow.

Starting a physical relationship too soon, before you know each other well, can lead to wearing rose colored glasses later. We have a tendency, once all those love hormones and chemicals are flowing through our bodies, to see what we want to see in a woman and largely ignore all the rest. So how do you know when it’s a good time to start a physical relationship?

Below are four signs you might be ready to make a move:

1. You know where you stand

Nothing is worse than having a torrid love affair with a woman and realizing that she’s having love affairs all over town. This is why it’s important to talk. Not just about your favorite places to hang out and about your family, but about where you are in dating. Are you dating other people? Are you monogamous? Talking about it gets it out in the open and shows that you’re mature enough to handle whatever happens, regardless of the outcome.

2. You know why you want a physical relationship

This may sound rather obvious, “She’s hot. Duh.” But there are many reasons why people may choose to have sex – to rebound from a past relationship that they haven’t processed, as an ego boost, to stay busy, to fill a spot of loneliness . While these reasons may work for you, it is best if you are consciously aware that you are not making the decision for any reason other than the fact that you’re connected to this person and want to take it to the next level.

3. You know where you are headed

Just like in life, there is no crystal ball in dating and we don’t know exactly what will happen next. But in general, we tend to know within a couple of dates if we can see ourselves dating this person long-term or not. We can imagine introducing them to our friends. Or not. We can imagine taking a vacation with them. Or not. If you really only want a temporary thing (see number 2 above), it might be good to communicate that’s where you’re headed, so you know you are on the same page (see number 1 above).

4. You’re in a good frame of mind with yourself

Despite the fact that 63% of LGBTQ singles want to eventually get married, not everyone out there dating is headed to marriageville. Also, many women may not be aware that they aren’t yet over an ex or that they don’t see their current relationship as a long-term thing. Because everyone isn’t always dialed in to these components, and you can’t control outcomes, it’s a good idea to ensure you’re in a good place, so that no matter what happens you’ll be okay.

Whether you commit to holding off on a physical relationship until the third date or until you’re in love, following these four signs that you’re ready can help ensure that both you and the women you date are on the same page.

Knowing when it’s the right time to get physically involved in dating can feel daunting. By getting real with yourself about your mindset and why you want a physical relationship and checking in on where you’re both at in the relationship helps everyone feel the very thing we seek in dating to begin with – connected. For more online dating advice, check out our expert tips on lesbian dating.

About Kim Baker

Kim Baker is an author, online dating columnist, and blogger who has been writing for the LGBT community for ten years. Often described as the lesbian Carrie Bradshaw, Kim redefines dating through the lens of mindfulness and self-responsibility and offers a new model for healthier dating in her book Girls’ Guide to Healthy Dating: Between the Breakup and the Next U-Haul. When she’s not working or writing, she can be found reading, watching over the top humor movies or meeting a friend for cocktails and connecting. She enjoys running, spending time with family, dancing, and fashion. A Midwest native, Kim resides in Southern California with her partner and their codependent cats. Find her at www.girlsguidetohealthydating.com or on Twitter.

 

 

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