It's a fairly common situation, but one that can present you with an awkward dilemma – an unsuccessful Christian date. We’ve all been there before right? You meet someone online through a dating...
How To Deal With A Lack Of First Date Chemistry With Christian Compassion
By Top10BestDatingSites Staff
It's a fairly common situation, but one that can present you with an awkward dilemma – an unsuccessful Christian date. We’ve all been there before right? You meet someone online through a dating site like match.com. From your communications online with one another it seems you have a lot in common, you giggle as you read their amusing messages and religious-wise you’re both on the same page. So you look forward to your first date with high hopes that there could be great potential for a relationship with this person.
However, when you finally meet, things just don’t work out the way you thought they would. The conversion is a bit slow, the occasional awkward silence and an overall feeling that you two just don’t quite connect. The situation can become somewhat uncomfortable as you realize that despite having thought you had a connection, there is a lack of first date chemistry between you. You simply feel that there is no match.
So what do you do?
See it Through or End it There and Then?
First of all, just be yourself, don’t try to overanalyze why this date is not going well, many times it’s just not meant to be. Relax and think how you want to continue this meeting. If you discern early on into the date that it isn’t going to get anywhere, should you just be honest and come right out and say so? After all, to sit and talk any longer is just going to be a waste of time for both of you.
While there is no one answer to this,the most important part to remember is to treat your date with respect. Be sensitive to their feelings, even if you aren’t attracted to them.
Think how you would feel if the situation was reversed? As it says in Like, “And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.” Imagine if you felt a strong attraction to your date and thought you were getting on quite well. When they suddenly exclaimed they felt it was pointless to continue as they didn’t feel there was any chemistry between you. You would probably feel hurt and humiliated.
Remember your Christian values and let your Christian compassion be your guide and remember that we all have an obligation to make others feel good about themselves, like in Romans “Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.”
Try to make small talk and sit out the date for a while. However, if you really feel you don’t want to be there any longer, tell them you’ve enjoyed meeting them, compliment something specific about them, and thank them for a lovely evening. Then make a polite excuse such as you’re sorry to have to leave but you have a very early start the following day.
What Do You Say at the End of Your First Unsuccessful Christian Date?
Perhaps it was a pleasant enough first date. Having met through a site like ChristianMingle, you had plenty to talk about in terms of your faith, shared interests, family and work. Maybe you even have friends from each other’s church. However, in terms of future potential, you know it was an unsuccessful Christian date with no hope of developing into a romantic relationship.
So what happens when the feeling isn’t mutual, when your date tells you they had a great time and ask if they can see you again, what do you say?
While you might not mind seeing them again, you know it just wasn’t meant to be, you just didn’t feel any chemistry really. The best solution is to be honest but gracious. You know it would be wrong to string them along and give them false hopes. Yet, you don’t want to hurt their feelings. Be thoughtful and thank them for a lovely evening. Then tell them very kindly, although you enjoyed your first date, you didn’t feel a connection with a view to a romantic relationship. If you felt like the date was interesting, but you didn’t feel attracted, you could always offer to stay friends. There may also be the additional benefit for both of you of meeting new people in each other’s circle of friends.
Is The Feeling Mutual?
Your date was just fine and when you say your goodbyes your date ends by saying they’ll call you. You have the distinct feeling that this might have been a way to end off politely. That like you, they didn’t feel any romantic attraction.
Should you say something?
In short, not right now. You can avoid the awkwardness of having to say anything to them face to face.
If you prefer, wait a while to see if they get back in touch. If they don’t, it will confirm what you thought. It can be easy to bear a grudge, and wonder why they said they would call and then didn’t, but now is the time to be kind and remember they were most likely trying not to hurt your feelings. The verse from Ephesians may help you here, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths... Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Try to move on to the next without any grudge or bad feeling.
However, if you rather not end on an ambiguous note, first give them a couple of days to contact you. If they don’t, send them a text or email to thank them for a lovely date. Tell them although you enjoyed meeting them, you didn’t feel you were a good match. (You don’t have to go into any further details.) Then, end off by wishing them good luck with their next date and hope that they find happiness.
Christian dating is not easy and sometimes we just don’t have that click on our first date. While it could feel awkward, it’s good to know how to deal with those situations.
Remember, the most important part in dating is being yourself and trusting that you will make the right decision if a date did not go very well. After all, no one knows you better than yourself. Just keep trying, if you don’t try, you’ll never know. You may be pleasantly surprised to discover there is plenty of chemistry between you and others. So register with Zoosk now to find your dream Christian date.
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