When is it ok for her to pursue him?

by Laurel House

I’m all about gender roles and believe that the man should do the asking out. However, that doesn’t mean that the woman should be a passive bystander in the equation.

Studies show that 36% of men know when they are being flirted with

Ladies - as much as you may think you hinted that you’re interested, he isn’t picking up on your cues. And here’s the thing, since it is the man’s job to do the asking out, and he doesn’t want to be rejected, unless he thinks there is a distinct chance that you will say yes, he might not take the opportunity at all.

Often times in life guys don't value things unless they've put the work in. Whether it's a carnival prize or a new car he has saved up two months salary to buy, he wants to feel like he has earned it. So, when a woman comes on too strong, a guy may be turned off because she hasn't given him the chance to prove his worth. However there are two situations where a woman can do the pursuing. And it is even necessary at times.

1. Flirting for fun

Chances are, if you (a woman) are being mildly flirtatious and not throwing yourself at him in obvious desperation, men are pretty receptive to being hit on by women. If you're out to flirt and have a good time then do just that - have fun. He might even be impressed at your confidence and courage, enough to take the reins. Just know that if he doesn't flirt back, he's not playing hard to get, he likely isn't interested or could be in a committed relationship. Either way you were just out to have fun and you can still skate home with your confidence high.

2. He is interested but clueless

The next scenario is when a guy is clearly into you but is oblivious of how to make the next move. It may be nerves or just lack of conversation skills, but either way he's afraid to ask for your number or on a date. If there's clearly mutual interest and he just seems a bit nervous, there's nothing wrong with making the next move. Remember: guys are more nervous than they let on and sometimes we need a little confidence booster, too.

So what should a woman do?

flirting in a bar

Online Dating:

Do the initial outreach and start the conversation. Be witty and interesting but short and sweet. Comment on something that is in his profile, ask a question, and tell him something related about yourself.

On the Phone:

If you are having that initial, or 3 initial phone calls and he has yet to say “I would love to take you on a date,” it’s time for you (ladies) to bring that horse to water without doing the actual asking. Say, “I really enjoy our conversations. I would love to talk to you in person,” or “I have really enjoyed our phone dates. When do we get to meet in person?” Here’s why you don’t want to keep it a phone, or worse - text relationship: he will get bored and it will end before it ever began.

In Person:

If you see a man who you are interested in at a party, store, bar, or anywhere out, you should: make eye contact, smile, stare for one second too long, look away, do it again. If he doesn’t take the hint, you can walk over to him and just say hi, introduce yourself, and ask who he is there with (if it’s a party or bar), or if you are at a grocery store and he is buying salmon, ask him who he is preparing that fish for. You are gathering information as to his relationship status. If he is interested, he WILL take the bait. If he isn’t, then he will either dismiss your advances all together, or he will talk to you for a little while, but not ask for your phone number (because he may already have a girlfriend).

But that’s it… If you try to take hold of the reigns, do the initial asking, plan the first dates, and make it “easy” for him, you are taking the thrill of the chase away, making yourself seem like you’re not a prize to be worked for, and unknowingly emasculating him — all are very bad and total buzz (and relationship-potential) killers.

Do you feel like you haven’t found the right online dating site yet? Read our reviews and learn about the great features of various online dating sites.



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