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Single? Get A Life
By Laurel House
If you are looking for a healthy relationship, as romantic as Jerry Maguire is, “you complete me” is the last thing you want someone to feel about you. In fact it can even destroy your relationship. When it comes to people, two halves do not make a whole. They add up to an unhealthy, codependent, needy and insecure duo. And that’s not sexy, nor does it have longevity.
One of the sexiest things that a woman can have when it comes to attracting a long-term partner… is a life. Why? Because you are less likely to be needy.
Guys aren’t interested in dealing with clingy or needy girls who are lifeless without him, neither off nor online. Having a life means that you’re busy, driven, self-sufficient, and autonomous. You have your own interests. You’re interesting. You’re passionate. You have things going on that contribute to high-quality conversations. You have a life! And you love it. You challenge him, but you’re not a challenge. You are your best self, raising the bar and inspiring him to be his best self too. Whether it’s your business that you adore, or you have emotionally and creatively fulfilling hobbies, the point is that you don’t need him. But you want him. You don’t need him to fill a void or make you happy. You’re already a complete and satisfied person without him. Still… while you may be “busy” and you can certainly “take care of yourself,” don’t play hard to get or be too difficult to nail down for a date. You still need to show your enthusiasm for him. Be excited to see him. Make him feel good and wanted and desired. A man wants to feel wanted and special. Just like you do. So when you see him, be totally present. Smile. And be your fabulous and interesting self.
Feeling not so whole? Get a life.
1. Be busy. Don’t “pretend” to be busy. BE busy. Be independent, go out with friends, pursue hobbies and interests… have a life! One of the sexiest things a woman can be is interesting. You have experiences, opinions and a perspective that you bring to the conversation and the relationship.
2. Be passionate. If you are passionate about your career, your projects, your classes, your anything/something- perfect! It shows him that you have this super passionate side and that will make him think “if she can be that passionate about that, I can’t wait until she puts some of that passion on me!”
3. Be self-sufficient and autonomous. You can take care of yourself- financially and emotionally.
4. Become more interesting. Expand your interests, explore yourself, and learn about other people and things. When you are interesting, you can contribute to high-quality conversations.
5. Have an opinion. But don’t just have an opinion for the sake of hearing your voice.
6. Share your experiences. Bring up the insight that you obtain while apart as fodder for your conversation. Share your experiences. Each time that you get out of your box and do something different, you are becoming a more layered, dynamic, and therefore attractive person. Let him in on your perspective. Expand his mind and enrich his life though yours.
This isn’t to say that you should be an overly busy bee or a social butterfly. You don’t want to make it seem like, while you might not be desperate for him, you are desperate to always be out and about. This isn’t a competition as to how many friends or obligations you can juggle. This is about being a whole and content person on your own, with a life that is fulfilling. If that means spending high quality time alone- great! Every hour of your day doesn’t need to be filled up. In fact, even every day doesn’t have to be occupied by something to do/someone to see.
More than what you bring to the table, being confident and fulfilled on your own dramatically decreases the chances that you will be needy- an instant turn off for a guy. You don’t need him. You want him. You have lots of exciting things to fill up your day, but you choose to make the time for him because he is a priority- not the priority, but a priority.
The idea is that without him you are complete. But life is richer together.
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