Sit up straight!Don’t cross your arms!Look me in the eye! These sound like things your grandma would have said to you when you were in your rebellious teenage years, right?While my Grandma Henny never...
8 Dating Tips that Will Change Your Life
By: Erika Ettin
Every so often, you read something that has a lasting impact. Maybe it’s an advice column, maybe a newspaper article, or maybe a piece right here on our dating advice section. I hope this is one of those times. There are a lot of dating coaches out there giving a lot of advice, some better than others, but I’m here today to share the 8 dating tips that will change your life.
1. Rome wasn’t built in a day.
People have no problem getting together a resume, going to practice interviews, and even hiring a headhunter to help them find a new job. Getting the job you want is hard! You know what else is hard? Finding the partner you want! Yet, for some reason, people think that it will, and should, come so easily. Rather than working for it—through online dating or other means—they just hope and “put things out into the universe.” Remind me of the last time the universe listened to you.
2. Use everything in your toolbox
If you’re single and you don’t want to be, then it’s important to try all of the tools available to you. What are these tools? Online dating sites and apps, speed-dating, clubs, classes, friends and their networks, group activities, and the list goes on. If it’s a way to meet someone, then it’s a tool.
3. If you’re online dating, don’t go halfway
In order for online dating to “work,” whatever that means to you, you have to actually market yourself well—through pictures and profile—and then be proactive in the process. Many people slap up a sub-par profile with even worse photos and are surprised when they’re not getting dates! Or, maybe they do that as a defense mechanism to say that it doesn’t work even if they “tried.” If you’re going to do it, it’s only worth it if you’re proud of what you post.
4. Be present, even if it’s not a match
Sometimes you walk into the bar and just know it’s not a match, and then you turn off, like a light switch. You might be thinking of your grocery list, your date tomorrow night, or your puppy at home who needs a good tummy rub. As tough as it is, try to remain present for the remainder of the date. You’ll never know what you might get out of it—a friend, a colleague, a new fun fact—if you’re ignoring the other person.
5. Remember that no singular person represents all of online dating
Everyone knows someone who has either a horror story or a love story—or both—with someone from an online dating site. Remember that no singular person could ever represent the entire world of online dating. So don’t quit based on one bad experience. The next one could be the best one.
6. Treat strangers like friends
If you need to be late, tell your date. If you need to cancel at the last minute, call your date. If you don’t want to see someone anymore, tell that person. Just because you met online or you don’t go way back doesn’t mean this person has fewer feelings than someone you know well.
7. Speak up
If you have an issue, speak up. One of my clients keeps going on these dates and then complaining to me that she’s hungry when she gets home. I told her to either eat a snack first or suggest getting a nibble on the date. Say what you need, especially when it’s as simple as ordering an appetizer. As another example, if you prefer that someone calls you to confirm the next date, politely mention that. People are not mind-readers, as much as we might want them to be.
8. You get what you allow
If you allow someone to treat you a certain way, for better or for worse, that’s what you get. If you want to make a change, refer to #7, and speak up. If you’re thinking about saying it, then it’s best to say it. You may not get the answer you like, but at least you’ll know.
If your life’s not changed quite yet, give the best dating sites a try now!
About Erika Ettin
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