5 Hot Body Language Cues to Increase Your Chemistry

increase your chemistry

By Erika Ettin

Is there a way to create chemistry with someone?

Believe it or not, this is a question I get all the time… from clients, friends, and colleagues. They want to know if there’s a way to increase their chances of having that elusive connection with someone, often if that person is not inclined to feel it.

The long and short of it is, unfortunately, no. You can’t create chemistry from nothing. But there ARE subtle ways of increasing the "flirt factor" of your dates by using simple body language cues:

1. Point Your Legs in the Right Direction

Notice where you’re facing. Are your knees facing towards your date or away from your date? The more you point them towards your date, the more likely you are into him/her, and vice versa. Generally, if people turn their legs away from someone, it’s because they are trying to keep some distance.

2. The Closer the Better

I hate two-top tables! You know what I mean—the ones where you feel like you have to yell across the table to have a conversation. If given the choice, for a first date, either sit at the bar, or sit at a square table catty-corner from each other. This way, you’re more included to have an intimate conversation since you’re close enough to hear each other.

the closer the better

3. A Playful Touch

Do you like your date? Does it seem mutual? If so, a playful touch is generally a sign of interest. Let’s say you’re out with someone really funny. He cracks a joke. You touch his arm briefly while saying, "That was so funny."

4. Keep Your Eyes on Your Date

Eye contact is so important, both in a dating scenario and in life. If you want someone to know you’re truly listening, then make the appropriate eye contact.

Speaking of keeping your eyes on each other, I shouldn't even need to tell you to put your cell phone away during your date. There's nothing more rude than interrupting someone mid-sentence to check a non-urgent text message. If you are expecting a very important call or email, let your date know in advance that there's a possibility you might have to step out for a minute.

5. Hugs ARE the Best

How do most of your dates end? With a hug? A kiss? A handshake? Some people might defer to a kiss on the cheek, but this can sometimes lead to miscommunication and awkwardness, especially if you have different expectations about how the date went and how much physical contact there should be at its conclusion. There’s nothing more embarrassing than leaning in to give someone a romantic kiss on the lips and having them turn their cheek to you.

Instead, I would recommend a hug, and the quality of the hug actually matters. Just like in a business meeting, you don’t want anyone to have the "dead fish" handshake, in a dating setting, you don’t want to be the person with the weak hug. Now, I’m not saying give your date a great big bear hug that you’d give to your mom after not seeing each other for three years. What I am saying is to give a real, earnest hug that shows that you care.

What you say on a date is obviously extremely important, but it’s often the more subtle things that people remember. Her arms were crossed. He didn’t look me in the eye. There were about three feet between us. These are things that people notice. So, while you can’t create chemistry, you can certainly do things to improve the art of flirtation.

Can’t get enough? Read more great advice on getting raw and being vulnerable on a first date next.

Erika Ettin

About Erika Ettin

Erika Ettin is the Founder of A Little Nudge and author of Love at First Site: Tips & Tales for Online Dating Success from a Modern-Day Matchmaker. She offers services to guide people through all aspects of online dating, from first click to first date. Erika studied economics at Cornell University and received her MBA from Georgetown University. Her company, founded in early 2011, has been featured in The Washington Post, NPR, News Channel 8, and AskMen.com, and Erika currently writes a syndicated column for the Chicago Tribune. Learn more about Erika here.

 

 

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